Christianity (meaning “like Christ”, not “fake”) is like going on a diet. This is something I randomly decided one day while I was walking. And here’s why….nearly everyone I know has tried a diet out once or twice, so maybe you can see where I’m coming from.

The very beginning of a diet is, in my opinion, the most difficult. One’s body has adapted to high food consumption and usually, a “bad-for ya” food consumption. So all the sudden you wake up one morning and decide to lower your portions, not eat fried food, eat less sugar and fat, and stop snacking. And oh man is this hard. You feel like your starving yourself. Throw some exercise into this mix and it takes all you have to stay up past 8 that night. LOL…but, as anyone who has stuck with a diet long enough to make it a life change and not a 3 month thing knows, it can only get easier. Sure, the first two weeks and maybe even month you are miserable. And every once in a while you crave that warm fudge brownie with vanilla ice cream on top. Another day, you may crave some french fries…and of course, sometimes you follow those cravings and indulge in them while telling yourself you’ll run an extra mile, and other times, you convince yourself that it’s not worth it.

 

Well, Christianity is about the same. When you first ask Christ to come into your life, it’s exciting, just like a diet. You just know change is gonna come! Truth be told, my friends, it’s not always that simple. The first day is the hardest at times and you will still want to sin every once in a while or participate in other things you know may not be the best choice for your new style of living. And sadly, this is where a lot of people give up; believing that they simple are not strong enough and maybe God didn’t really change them. My heart’s desire is for people to understand that it will always be a battle, just like eating healthy is….but it does get easier. After a while, the idea of that little sin seems repulsive to you, just the same as McDonald’s cheeseburgers sound like the nastiest thing ever after you have been eating healthy for 3 months. It’s like you eat while keeping in mind how you will feel afterwards; the same is true of sinning. One begins to sin less and less because the feeling afterwards (conviction) is not worth it.

 

Now, let me make it very clear that the battle is NEVER over. It’s always a choice to eat healthy when you really want some fries and a dessert. And truthfully, the desire never fully dissipates, just grows weaker. It is also true to say that human nature will ALWAYS lead you to sin, but the ability to turn away becomes easier. All this to say, when the going gets tough, don’t get going. And it’s okay if you make a mistake… or 20. You see, God understands that He created you with free will to make choices which inevitably could be called mistakes and He WILL forgive…70 times 7…so don’t quit. One mistake with a diet doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause and you should give up, it means you should try harder and work out more. And once again, the same can be said of Christianity. One mistake doesn’t mean to give up, but to press on and try harder.

 

Thanks for listening to my crazy analogy…

            So lately, my mind has been consumed with thoughts and I really just wanted to take some time to get them all out. Consider yourself warned that they are random and sporadic.

 First things first…I decided today that I really treasure my relationship with my dad. Granted, we are nowhere near as close as me and my mom, but when I picked up my phone this afternoon and saw that my text was from him my whole face lit up like a kid in a candy shop just waiting to see what he was going to say to me. I don’t know why, but my love and respect for him is far greater than he knows. I just treasure any sort of meaningful conversation we have ever had and pray for so many more.

Moving on…I really, really like eating healthy and working out. Some people have a problem with that and I’m not entirely sure why, but the thought of fast food is gross to me and I just feel better if I work out…so I do. Why is that an issue?

Furthermore, I have discovered 2 relatively new passions of mine…one more surprising than the other. Reading and music…I just get such joy out of hearing people’s thoughts and outlooks and really just learning. (Meiko, if you read this, I finally like to learn, YAY!)

Last night I was speaking with 2 guy friends of mine and they brought up the fact that I am intimidating. Apparently, I come off as someone who has it all together and doesn’t need a man which scares guys away. One because they need to be needed and 2 because they don’t have everything together. (Little do they know, neither do I) Anyway, this kind of stinks for me. In all actuality, I don’t need a guy to make it through life, God has me covered, but I sure do want one. I’m just not a dependent person…I used to be and that got me no where fast so I changed…and here I am going no where fast in another direction. UGH! How frustrating is this!!! I need to find some sort of happy median. Last night they said they thought it was partly because I stay really busy and have so much going on that they don’t know me all that well and what they do know is I am reaching my goals. I don’t know…I have issues, but I don’t like to go around telling everyone about them. Not every friend needs to know everything, in my opinion. People can’t always be trusted, you know? Then again, sometimes I wonder if I’m running from all my previous hurts by not allowing myself to get hurt again. Okay, this has gotten too deep so I’m moving on…

God has brought me to a new season in my life and it’s very obvious. It’s so much better than the last by the way, but difficult at the same time, as change always is. I’m excited about what’s to come, but scared. Either way, I’m just really enjoying this point in my life and thanking God for each unforgettable moment and blessed relationship, which I seem to be having a lot of.

For some strange reason, I have become overwhelmingly aware of my emotions nearly all the time. I get all these thoughts and feelings now that I never realized before and it’s really cool. With that said, life is just really great right now and God is teaching me so much it’s unbelievable. Get ready, get set, because God is going already…

I have never in my 20 years of living seen someone in a wheelchair come out of a handicapped bathroom stall…

At the end of every day, no matter what occurs I always lay in bed with an amazing sense of accomplishment and thankfulness…even if the day seemed terrible at points because overall it was another chance to make a difference

Objects mean absolutely nothing to me and when things break…so be it. Yes, it stinks, but what is being mad gonna fix? I never did quite understand that.

I’m 100% content with being single and I really do think that’s okay even though everyone seems to think depression goes with singleness automatically.

Nothing tops the feeling of a shower after the beach or a day of snowboarding.

Everyone loves to take their feelings out on me because I put up with it…and I don’t want to, but I can’t stop.

I love smiling and laughing more than anything.

The only that I hate enough to come close to anger and is arguments…

People really need to hold their heads up while walking….sure is hard to make friends with someone’s hair.

There is no place like home…

Belief in yourself is essential to get anywhere in life

 Friends will come and go, but the ones that stick around need to be treasured in a very special way

My family will always hold a special place in my heart no matter what happens

A schedule is nice, but welcomed breaks are even nicer

I’m a rather independent individual…sometimes too much

People won’t ever understand the value of money until they have to work for it, and even then, some won’t

It’s better to enjoy the now and stop waiting on the next step…then life becomes about waiting instead of living

Guys and girls do not in any way view friendship as the same

If people would just be real from the very beginning, things would be much easier

I can’t be unemployed without feeling useless

Someone else’s life is always gonna be harder than mine and it’s my job to help then out

I am so incredibly blessed in so many different ways

Eating healthy really does just make you feel better

Life is too big to complain about small things, but humor people when they do because some just don’t understand

Boys will always be boys…girls will always be girls….but fortunately, God will always be God

Smile a lot….even if you’re not happy. It helps, I promise.

Live every moment spent with someone to your fullest…one day they will be gone and you will wish for more moments

Recently, a woman of value in my life has told me that I need to play damsel in distress in order to not only find a man, but to keep one around too. I seriously looked at her and laughed thinking she was completely kidding…but she wasn’t…not even a little bit. This scares me. I’m an independent person and I don’t “need” anyone, but my Savior to survive. Yes, I would love to have a man in my life that I will eventually marry, but I really don’t see why I have to pretend to be needy in order to do so. The fact of the matter is that I like mowing the yard, I can fix most things that break, I can change my own oil and air filter and tires and breaks,  and if my car makes a noise…I usually know what it is. Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to have someone to help me out and sometimes do it instead of me, but I refuse to play dumb or needy in any kind of relationship. I think neediness is pathetic to be honest with you. This woman said it’s wrong of me to fix something that breaks if I’m at home doing nothing and my husband is at work because he wouldn’t feel needed. I must have missed that day of school or something because if I was at work all day and my husband cooked dinner…I certainly wouldn’t be mad because I felt un-needed.

I’m sorry that I am secure and I know who I am and what I want, but I always thought there were men out there who appreciated a girl with some sense and some know-how. As a matter of fact, I know too many guys today that don’t know how to change their own oil and brakes…..wouldn’t I essentially be helping them out? It just doesn’t make sense to me. In middle and high school, they tell us that we don’t “need” guys and we should find ourselves on our own. Well, I’m one of the few that listened and now that I know who I am….no one wants to date me because they can’t be a “hero”…..I don’t even get it a little bit. Celibacy here I come!

 All opinions are welcome…..especially honest ones!

…And for the first time in a long time, I was okay.

Guess that means I’m finally over you

And all the memories that came along with “us” too.

I must admit, I even cracked a smile

Guess that proves you’ve been gone for while

It’s been about a year now

Sometimes I wonder how

How did it happen?

How did I make it?

But I did, and that’s what matters.

Sure hope you did too….

 

I think about you sometimes

No worries, I’m not bitter.

Like I said, I smile now, not cry.

I hope your life is more than amazing

And that you smile more than you frown…

That all that stupid drama has left you by now.

 

I could never tell you to your face,

But I often miss those days.

We were best friends.

So many memories

So many secrets

So many laughs

 

Sometimes I lay in bed at night and wonder

Do you ever think about me?

Or did you push all the good times aside?

Sure wish I knew….but that’s okay.

I saw a picture of you today…

And for the first time in a long time, a smile came to my face.

So the semester is coming to a close and people are getting incredibly stressed and sick of school. I’m not gonna lie, I’m there too, but there is a difference.

As dumb as it sounds, every single person that is close to me, whom I consider men and women of God, has sworn this week. This is rare….as my friends don’t really ever swear (at least around me), but it seems to be the thing to do when your mad or stressed. I’m just sitting here thinking and wondering…what’s the point? It does not prove anything, except maybe that you need to improve your vocabulary and grow up a little. It’s just disgusting to me. They are such small words, but they penetrate my heart. The second they are spoken my whole body just cringes as if I have been stabbed. It’s so weird, but apparently I’m the only one that experiences this because everyone else just cusses when they get upset. What does it prove? Someone please tell me. It’s a concept I just don’t understand.

My ethics teacher pointed this out to me and I’ve been in such situations, but never really thought of it like he did. People argue that curse words are still just words that mankind has given a meaning to….but if you have ever dealt with the demon possessed (and yes, they still exist today for those of you that did not know) curse words are very popular with demons. If it’s just another word…why do demons intend on using them so frequently? I would argue because it’s not of God, but you can postulate whatever kind of theory you want. All I’m saying is as men and women of God, why should we even go there? It really does not show everyone how mad you are…just how stupid you are for cursing over such a small thing in the big scheme of life.

I’m open to other opinions; I really am…so leave comments. I’m just waiting to be enlightened as to why…and I don’t want to here that your parents did it so you do too….that’s inexcusable!

Life is not about finding yourself, but creating yourself.

 We hear way too many times that we are gonna find ourselves in college. Well, I got news for you, stop searching because the more time you spend looking, the the less time you’ll have to make something of yourself. Stop worrying about tomorrow and start enjoying today. God will take care of your career and your spouse when it comes to that…as for now, create a network of friends that will be there for you, work hard in school, do something you love. Just be you…who you want to be because the search is over. It’s no longer about meeting the true you, cuz that’s not gonna happen. It’s about being everything you want to be and the rest will follow.

For those of you that don’t know, there are 5 love languages….that is…five different ways to express and receive love. They are quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation.

As for me, all of them work except maybe gifts…which I realized today…and it’s ironic. When I rank these in my head….I would say first is quality time, then words, then touch, then acts of service, then gifts. The reason I know this is because when people compliment me, it really only means something if they are willing to spend time with me. Otherwise, I just take it for what it is and move on. But when someone is spending time with me…I love it when they tell me how much I mean to them or how I look nice etc. etc. Third is touch because I would rather a hug then someone doing my homework or laundry. Gifts mean almost nothing to me really. I mean…they are nice, but for my birthday….I would rather you spend a day of complete randomness with me than buy me something…and I mean that.

Lately, God has been opening my eyes to a lot of things and tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a friend a few months ago that was closer to me than anyone and all of the sudden it just ceased to exist. For the longest time I have been trying to figure it out. Well, this friend called me tonight to tell me he got something for me…it was nothing big, just something small. Then I thought back…he always did this for me. Bought me a little something here or found something random that made him think of me there and he gave it me…all of it. I never really got him anything to be honest…cuz that’s not my thing. I spent a lot of time with him and told him how much he meant to me, but never gave him anything. He could go days without seeing me or speaking to me and then show up at my door with a milkshake and think it was all good, but I just looked at him and asked where he had been. Well, tonight…it clicked. He didn’t spend enough time with me or tell me how much he cared and I never gave him anything, so we had problems understanding how much the other one really did care. Little did he know, every time I called him to hang out and told him how much he meant to me…I was screaming “I love you and I want to be friends forever” and every time he gave me a little something, he was screaming “I love you and you mean the world to me”, but we didn’t speak the same language.

So even if you think this is crazy, I promise it’s so real to me. God just put it in my mind in like a split second and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I miss him and he did mean a lot to me…I just didn’t show it right and by the amount of gifts he gave me…I would be willing to say that he cared a lot for me too.

I challenge you…find out how your friends need to be loved, and no matter how different it is from you…make an effort to show them that you care in the loudest way they will hear it. Please, don’t lose a friendship worth holding onto because of something so fixable. Be willing

I’m not entirely sure where to even begin this, or that I have lots to say, but it’s just one of those times when I felt like I should write a blog….so I am. God has been really opening my eyes lately to things that are almost shocking. Some lessons learned are about me, some about others, and some about just life in general. Either way I look at it though, it’s as if God is opening my eyes slowly, but surely. He’s maturing me. It’s funny to me because I’m almost 20, but age really doesn’t mean much now that I’m getting older. It’s just another day. It doesn’t put you at a new level of knowledge or maturity. It simply is a manmade way of determining length of life. My maturity comes through Christ and that’s what I’m finding.

Looking back, I’ve come quite a long way from where I used to be. I finally realize the value of money and the importance of spending it wisely. I no longer “need” a guy in my life to believe in myself. Family is always there for me no matter what. Friends come and go; my only job is to be careful of the footprints they leave on my heart and to make sure I leave good ones on theirs. I will always have growing up to do.

I have formed some new ideas along the way such as…Life really is exactly what you make of it. Laugh as loud and crazy as you want because all the people looking simply are not having as much fun as you. Forgive quickly because grudges are only really tearing at you. Smile as much as possible and find delight in the little things because sometimes the big ones just aren’t around. The good news is that the sun still shines and the wind still blows.

Anyway, I have no idea what all this is and where it came from, but God is moving me lately…He’s teaching me things and opening my eyes. I have a feeling a new level is on the horizon. Keep me in your prayers if you could…I’ll need them.

Biggest lesson learned: Don’t rush into things that are not for sure from God. Sometimes where you’re at is really where He wants you to be at…even if it’s miserable! I promise He has a plan…don’t screw it up!